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And yet most of us get online and wonder why it always feels so stale.It’s because YOU’RE making it stale, and you’re accepting stale conversation from others. If you sound like you’re presuming you’ll get an email back, you’re much more likely to get an email back. You’re not here to find out if a person will sleep with you or marry you in a first email. I think we have a lot in common – particularly our mutual love of rum punch.Just today, I was on the phone with a client who was sharing the same experience with me: “It wasn’t until she showed me one really GOOD email from a guy that she started to get it.He asked her a silly question and started grilling her with more and more trivia questions, teasing her about what she might win if she got all the questions right.

A great email will never make someone who doesn’t want to date you consider you, but it WILL tip the balance when someone is choosing between a dozen otherwise similar candidates.

And yet this one guy with the trivia questions was able to bring out your playful side.”The moral of the story is that you are ALWAYS responsible for how you leave a conversation. By being optimistic, playful, interested and interesting, you can almost always transform any evening into a pleasant experience.

The problem is that we don’t; we expect the other person to do the heavy lifting – to make the plans, to ask the silly questions, to raise the playing field.

You might find it useful to read one of the chapters in Dataclysm, which is about what OK Cupid knows about dating behavior.

It's toward the end of the book, about a guy who sends boilerplate text messages to 40 women at a time. And simply, some women are busy, or scared, or didn't really want to be dating, or think it's way hard work, or ...

She played along and pushed right back and they’ve already got a first date lined up. ” She agreed, wholeheartedly.“So if a man can make you into a more engaging person by writing a witty first email, wouldn’t it make sense that you could turn a man into a more engaging person by doing the same?

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